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March 19th, 2010

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Study: Helpful Dads Damage Mother’s Self-Esteem at Home – Mental Health | Illness | Disorders – FOXNews.com

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Study: Helpful Dads Damage Mother’s Self-Esteem at Home – Mental Health | Illness | Disorders – FOXNews.com.

Ok, this one bothers me.

I’m a helpful Dad … on the continuum, I’m the guy other Dad’s secretly hate because I manage to make the time to do the things with my children that I know I would regret not doing in later years.

I’ve had other Dad’s literally tell me to stop.

I’ve heard stories of wives using me against their husbands in arguments.

I’ve felt bad, I don’t want to be a gender-traitor, but I refuse to change my values to suit others.

Now we see there’s a study that can be used against guys like me.

Certainly, I don’t want to be the cause of my wife’s mental health demise.

But as I look back at my life, and I look back at my wife’s mental health, I have to say that this study leaves out an important factor.

I’ll get to that, but first allow me to fill in some blanks.

My wife’s self-esteem is just fine.  She has no issues pertaining to her role as a wife and mother.

Why did she escape unscathed from the clutches of a husband’s overzealous involvement in their children’s lives?

Good mental health.

1 in 4 Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder.  This could be stress, depression or relationship issues – those are the most common.

Point being, once you’re behind the 8-ball, it doesn’t take much to send you over the edge.

Let’s not use this study to support the notion that Fathers should be lazy.  Let’s instead support the notion that new mothers, no matter how mentally healthy, need additional support.  Having a child is stressful, and yes, there are social pressures.  The answer is therapy, not lazy fathers.

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Stress and Life

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Boy, do stress and life go together hand in glove.

Ultimately, it’s how you deal with the stress that matters – you’re going to have stressed no matter who you are, what walk of life you stroll, or whether you sit or stand to relieve yourself.

I once had a friend tell me that his wife was delusional to claim to be stressed.  After all, he said, all she has to do is take care of the kids!  I have to go out and work!

Many of you probably share that view.

I’m not going to stand in judgement, but just the same, I hope you’ll hear the following with an open mind.

Everyone feels stress at a maximum level.  It’s a human trait.

Sure, some situations are life threatening, and those stresses definitely seem more intense.

But my contention is that we all find things to maximally stress out over.

So my friend was dead wrong – his wife had every reason to be as stressed out as she was.

Although, if you ask me, she could have definitely benefited from therapy.

It’s all about how you manage stress, not about trying to avoid stress.  Stress is probably the single most effective motivator known to humanity.  It’s also the single greatest killer of humanity (some accounts have 75% of all disease caused by stress).  It depletes spirit, mind and body when managed poorly.

So stop trying to avoid things that stress you, start learning how to manage stress.  Once you do, you’ll find yourself able to nimbly navigate your life, achieving your goals and living a happy, well adjusted life.

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