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Massachusetts Girl Hospitalized After Months of Bullying

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Massachusetts Girl Hospitalized After Months of Bullying.

Bullying is absolutely abhorrent.  If you’ve ever been a victim of bullying, or if you’ve ever tried your hand at it yourself, you are well aware of the damage it does.

Bullying is about intimidating and emotionally attacking the victim. The intention is to cause harm.  Kids that do it divine pleasure from the act of bullying.

It is no different than a physical assault.  And the emotional damage lasts far longer than bumps and bruises.

People talk about bullying as though it begins in high school.

I know that to be untrue.  I know it begins with parents and you start to see it in children as they begin to socialize.

Too often, I see parents of children who are barely able to speak, 2 and 3 years old, who tolerate their “babies” socially hostile behavior.

“It’s so cute how he gets that way.”

“She’s a little feisty.”

If that’s your idea of parenting, you’re the reason why we are a society on the verge of being overwhelmed by kids with severely underdeveloped moral compasses.

I warned you in an earlier post that I’m not out trying to win friends.

I’m not a psychologist here to heal you.

I’m a writer.  And I’m tired of people taking a sterilized middle of the road path, and sugar-coating stuff that still tastes like poop once you start to chew.

Here’s the facts, and if you don’t like it, I’ve hit a nerve and you need to do some serious self-evaluation.

If you think that bullying starts magically because it’s a “phase”, you’re wrong.  It starts as your child begins to socialize, and you make the conscious decision not to provide your child with consistent boundaries.

If your child spouts hateful verbiage such as “you’re not my friend!”, or “I don’t like you!”, or any permutation of aggressive dialogue, guess what?  It’s time to parent.  It’s not time to pretend it didn’t happen, or explain it away as a phase or “cute”.  It’s time to take your child aside RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT and explain to them that their tone and words are hurtful.  If they continue, tell them that you’re going to take something away.  And follow through.  If they stop, tell them that you will reward them.  And follow through.

Look, thank you “60’s” for many things, but come take back your permissiveness and the idea that parents should be friends to their children.  You need to be a parent.  You need to set boundaries.  If you don’t, and some day your “little angel” joins a little “bully gang” and causes one of their peers great emotional harm, you are the one that enabled it.  It’s you.  You are the one that set them up for this.  You will be the one who ultimately is the cause of your child’s lifelong struggle with the guilt caused by what they have done.

Parents, there is a cancer in America and it’s called low expectations.  It’s called lack of education.  It perpetrates because of excuses that have become social conventions for mitigating bad parenting. “I’m so overwhelmed”,  “I just don’t know what to do with her/him”,  and the ever so idiotic, “well, what are you going to do?”

Parent.  That’s what you’re supposed to do.  And if you don’t know what that entails, there are plenty of resources out there to help you.

Your excuses are wearing thin on those of us that are working hard to make sure our children grow up to be respectful and responsible contributors to society.  You need to step up.  Period.  There is always a solution.

For those of you frantically scrolling down to write me a “hate comment”, let me spare you the effort.  I hate I had to write this.  But I cannot sit idly by and hear of another little boy or girl being gravely or fatally injured because you decided to bury your head in the sand.

Pull it out and use it for more than a butt-cork.  Start parenting.

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Russian boy’s return shocked, saddened driver – CNN.com

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Russian boy’s return shocked, saddened driver – CNN.com.

When I first started writing this blog, I endeavored to find a benign, almost sterile path to follow.  I didn’t want to offend anyone’s particular views or sensibilities.  I wanted to appeal to everyone.

That’s neither reasonable nor realistic.  First and foremost, that kind of blogging would be a treachery to read.

So the gloves are off, and if you get your feelings hurt, well, you should probably evaluate why your skin is so thin, because I’ll be sure not to engage in overtly controversial perspectives.

The mother and grandmother involved in sending the Russian boy back to Russia may not be criminally negligent, but they sure are spiritually negligent.

I see no mention of having taken this boy to family therapy.

If that is the case, shame on Nancy and Torri Hansen.

And I no longer accept the ridiculous notion that “I didn’t know to go to therapy”.

Everyone has seen the Sopranos.  If a MOBSTER can go to therapy, so you can you.

Get to therapy if there’s an issue in your life.  Enough with poor decisions and poor choices.  There’s a better way – it’s called counseling.  And now you can receive Online Counseling so that you do not even have to leave your home to get the help and guidance you need.

Nancy Hansen, this is directly to you – I am most certain that Torri was not a perfect child.  Had she been, she most likely never would have allowed this to happen.  So it is my guess that you had your share of trouble with Torri, and that you worked it out (poorly – but you didn’t drop her off at an orphanage).

Human beings are not dogs, and I’m not even sure I agree with adopting a dog and sending it back if it doesn’t go as planned.  As human beings, we know that nearly NOTHING goes as planned, that there are always challenges, and that the only path to happiness and success crosses through very demanding territory.

So, before signing off, let’s focus a little more generally.

Most of us have a limit to our patience.

Most of us have a bit of an asshole in us.

Most of us are not perfect parents.

Most of us want the best for our children.

If you have issues in your life – depression, stress, relationship problems (work or personal), then you’re not functioning optimally.  If you’re not functioning optimally, your friends and family suffer – period.  Lie to yourself all you want, but that’s the real, true end result.

Get some help for the love of Pete!  It’s right here, in your computer.  We don’t really care where you get it, just get it.  MyTherapyNet.com is highly reputable, is one of the first two companies in this market and has set the example for the entire industry.  It is secure, confidential and only staffed by licensed counselors.

But regardless of where you go for help – go get it.  And get it online if you’re thinking you’re too busy or you’re ashamed to go in person.

I want to end with something cute, but this is outrageous.  Get professional help Nancy and Torri Hansen.  It scares me to think of what other havoc you two are wrecking over there in Tennessee …

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High Chair Recall Alert / Healthcare Reform Legislation

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

CPSC Recalls – Parenting.com.

Remarkably, the highchair recall presents an interesting parallel to the healthcare reform bill passage that merits discussion.  I’m not coming down on one side or another, but today’s “high chair recall” makes a clear point about the free market and government regulation.

If a company produces a dangerous product, consumers hold them accountable.  This is why we see so many voluntary recalls these days – companies understand that it is better for everyone that they find potential problems before consumers get hurt.  If they don’t, they may be in business tomorrow, even the next day.  But their days are numbered.  Consumers put irresponsible companies out of business in a free market economy.  Ultimately, the federal government steps in and creates legislation to compel adherence to specific standards that the American people deem mandatory.

Health insurance has two interesting fundamental precepts that lend the overall business its form.  These two principles are called moral hazard and adverse selection.  These are the “forces” that naturally arise from the business of insuring peoples’ health.  I won’t get into the details of these principles, you can follow the links to learn more.

My point in mentioning these two principles is that in all the discussions we have heard, we have never heard these principles mentioned by our legislators.  On either side of the “aisle”.  Yet, when we speak about insuring pre-existing conditions, which is one of the louder points being made, these two principles make up the fundamental character of the health insurance playing field.  Any legislation passed is going to “push” at these naturally occurring forces, and mandate a necessary shift away from the fundamental meaning of insuring against accident and illness.

In simpler terms, if you legislate this industry too much, it ceases to function as insurance.  You can still call it that, but it doesn’t mean it is anymore.  And perhaps that is indeed a better model of protecting peoples’ health.  But as Americans, we believe in having a voice in our destiny.  We all have a say in the direction our country takes.  We are called upon to voice our opinions so that our representatives can vote our will.

It is therefore clear that we should be educated as to the short term, long term and fundamental impact that this legislation poses.  I’m hearing much about cost, and the financial impact in terms of national debt and the financial impact upon individuals, but I’m not hearing anyone sitting down and being the teacher.  Explaining the fundamentals to us.  This is a highly complex industry.  There are subtleties that have tremendous impact.  As Americans, we needed a class in Health Insurance 101.  Then we needed a class on each of the possible methods to improve the current system.  Then, and only then, could we have voiced an educated opinion.  Instead, the majority of Americans do not favor this legislation, when really, know one, not even the legislators, know exactly what’s in it (by their own admission).

Ultimately, the health insurance industry is like any other industry.  It is just so much larger than any other.  It is also so much more important to us at the critical moments in our lives.  And therefore we experience heightened emotion surrounding this issue.

Again, it seems that the majority of  Americans did not favor this legislation.  So perhaps instead of discussing the potential merits or drawbacks of a nationalized healthcare system, or even whether that’s what this bill will create; instead, we should talk about how it feels to us as Americans that our Congressional representatives do not feel compelled to vote their constituents will.

Those who favor this legislation are celebrating their victory.  However, it should concern the victors that their victory comes by way of a significant dissolution of one of the fundamental principles of our democracy – majority rules.  We cannot feel good about legislation that passes without the majority of voters wanting it.  It may be what the minority wants today, and that is a victory for them (or us, not taking sides) to be sure, but tomorrow, when they (or we) are with the majority, there’s no guarantee that their (our) voice will be heard.  It’s very clearly bad precedent for a democracy and emotionally it demoralizes the nation’s majority.  The emotional toll may have a lasting impact on our society for years to come.

This blog and its administration seeks to avoid taking any political positions.  Any inadvertent support of one side over another with respect to the healthcare reform legislation is unintentional.  We seek to highlight the emotional and psychological impact of this debate and help create clarity through acknowledging the impact that emotions have on this very important issue.

Oh, and make sure you check to see if you’re using a Graco Model 1757412 high chair.  Especially if you’re uninsured.

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Study: Helpful Dads Damage Mother’s Self-Esteem at Home – Mental Health | Illness | Disorders – FOXNews.com

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Study: Helpful Dads Damage Mother’s Self-Esteem at Home – Mental Health | Illness | Disorders – FOXNews.com.

Ok, this one bothers me.

I’m a helpful Dad … on the continuum, I’m the guy other Dad’s secretly hate because I manage to make the time to do the things with my children that I know I would regret not doing in later years.

I’ve had other Dad’s literally tell me to stop.

I’ve heard stories of wives using me against their husbands in arguments.

I’ve felt bad, I don’t want to be a gender-traitor, but I refuse to change my values to suit others.

Now we see there’s a study that can be used against guys like me.

Certainly, I don’t want to be the cause of my wife’s mental health demise.

But as I look back at my life, and I look back at my wife’s mental health, I have to say that this study leaves out an important factor.

I’ll get to that, but first allow me to fill in some blanks.

My wife’s self-esteem is just fine.  She has no issues pertaining to her role as a wife and mother.

Why did she escape unscathed from the clutches of a husband’s overzealous involvement in their children’s lives?

Good mental health.

1 in 4 Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder.  This could be stress, depression or relationship issues – those are the most common.

Point being, once you’re behind the 8-ball, it doesn’t take much to send you over the edge.

Let’s not use this study to support the notion that Fathers should be lazy.  Let’s instead support the notion that new mothers, no matter how mentally healthy, need additional support.  Having a child is stressful, and yes, there are social pressures.  The answer is therapy, not lazy fathers.

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Chatroulette Is ‘Predator’s Paradise,’ Experts Say

Monday, March 1st, 2010


Chatroulette User

Click for Article –>> FOXNews.com – Chatroulette Is ‘Predator’s Paradise,’ Experts Say.

It seems that every day there is something new for parents to dread.  Today, it’s a website called Chatroulette.  I won’t get into a detailed description of the service, you can read the article by clicking the link above.  Suffice it to say, it is a forum in which random strangers are connected by webcam.  Since the demographic makeup is predominantly young people and there are reports that the site is heavily weighted toward exhibitionism, you can see why it’s being called a “predator’s paradise”.

Life is full of challenges, distractions and temptations.  The internet brings much of this directly into our homes.  But it still is our choice what media we consume.  For parents concerned about their children inadvertantly (or not) stumbling upon Chatroulette, there is a service called OpenDNS.org that allows you to restrict access to specific websites in a way that is more effective than installing software on your computers.  I haven’t personally used it, so I can personally recommend it, but I’ve heard good things so far about it.  Parents, post some comments on this if you have experience with them.

For assistance with parenting issues, try consulting with a licensed counselor experienced in adolescent and parenting issues.   If you haven’t done so already, register at www.MyTherapyNet.com.  The service is currently offering one free question answered by a licensed counselor, so that should get you started down the right path!

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